It's at this point tht I thought I would just put all of this into one as it does span over a period of 10 years but it's better to get it all under one heading.
I have 3 gorgeous children and I am very lucky to have them all - love them all with every bone in my body. However, before I was settled in marriage and children, I did have two abortions and two miscarriages.
I am truly surprised, that throughout all my sexual activity, that I was not pregnant more and didn't ever get any diseases of any kind. Luckily, I escaped all of that.
My first miscarriage was on New Years Eve in 1990 when I was with my then boyfriend. I was madly in love (as usual) and didn't realise obviously that I was pregnant. It was only when I started getting stomach cramps and went back home from the pub and then went to the toilet to find something "falling out" that I realised this must be a miscarriage. My Mum called the Doctor and he confirmed that I had miscarried. It was a very strange time and after some bed rest that night, nobody ever spoke of it again.
A year later, I became pregnant by the same boyfriend. This time, I was 14 weeks pregnant and constantly throwing up, with something that I now know was hyperemesis gravidarum (I suffered with all three pregnancies with the same condition). Mum, Dad and said boyfriend had already decided I was to have an abortion - didn't really matter what I thought I remember thinking.... I was packed off to a private clinic, throwing up all the way in the car and said boyfriend picking fights with me all the way; it was a nightmare time.
I remember lying on a bed in a room full of 3 other girls and one by one they were wheeled off on a trolley and would come back unconscious. I remember holding onto my belly, wondering what on earth I was doing but realising it was out of my hands. The next thing, I was in the theatre, counting down from 10 to what was meant to be 1 and before I knew it I was coming round on the trolley in the room with the other girls. The first thing I did was be sick all over and I honestly thought I must be dying, now that there was no baby in there anymore... However, within half an hour I was fine and was well enough to go home.
On getting home and going to bed with a very sore belly, Mum presented me with a ring box and inside the ring box was a plastic baby. This was Mum's way of letting me know what had happened and her way of dealing with it. It certainly wasn't mine but I accepted the gift all the same.
Soon after said boyfriend finished with me after I pretended to be dead in the back of an ambulance due to the amount of alcohol I had consumed. He was a very clever man who knew all along I had a problem with alcohol and wrote me copious amounts of letters which I still have, telling me the fact that I needed help. Something I obviously ignored!!!
Fast forward 10 years later to 2000 and I was with another man, a married one this time, who had left his wife for me. I ended up getting pregnant and this time really wanted to keep the baby. I was working at a data production company at the time and living back at Mum and Dad's after some bad times (more to follow). I remember booking a midwife appointment so I really must have wanted to keep the baby.
However, and unfortunately I cannot remember a lot about this time, I was talked around into not keeping the baby, saying it would ruin my life and the man was not suitable for me and I had a lot more to give and a future if I would have an abortion. Again I agreed and was packed off to hospital. Sadly, I cannot remember any of this, no matter how I try - I presume, because I have blocked it out. I was put in a flat whilst I was waiting for the abortion and after I got rid of the baby, became involved in another tenant in the flat. A hiding to nothing of course.
The last time I had a miscarriage was in completely different circumstances. I was married, had two gorgeous children and we were trying for a third. I was very early on and the pregnancy showed up - two days later it wasn't there.... and straight after that month, I caught with my third child.
I consider myself to be a very lucky lady to have such beautiful and healthy children.
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