Another very strange thing happened at the lovely age of 18. When I was in the throes of Bulimia and still working as a Shorthand Typist in the middle of Newcastle. I was following a strict diet of peanut butter and cucumber sandwiches from a daft diet book that I had found which sadly, was slowly making me fatter.
I remember my 18th birthday like it was yesterday; having no friends of mine own, I went out with the people from work to a nightclub in the middle of Newcastle City Centre and I got so drunk, someone had to write my name and address on my hand so that the taxi driver could take me home. I remember waking up the next morning (I was living at home but Mum and Dad were away) naked, hungover and wondering how on earth I got home until I looked at my hand which gave me a big clue.... and then off to work I trundled, after 5 hours sleep and my head in my hands as my colleagues filled me in on what had happened.
I got to meet my Biological Dad after I found some papers in my Mum and Dad's wardrobe with my real birth certificate and all details about my birth written down. I found out that I wasn't even called Barbara but my real name was Mary (after my Mother) and I even had a different surname that I didn't realise. For a long time, I completely lost my identity and who I was and this made me even more mixed up. So now we had a mix of Bulimia, Alcoholism and lost identity to contend with...
My Mum and Dad were amazing and realised it was time that I tried to find my birth parents (they had always told me I was adopted) and off we went to Carlisle to look through the Electoral Rolls. I really wanted to find my Mum but more than that, wanted to find out if I had brothers or sisters. I didn't manage to find my Mum but I did get a lead to a corner shop in Carlisle that might have been my Granddads so we promptly went round to have a look. The shop had changed hands but someone who lived next door told me that their son lived round the corner and gave me his address. I was so close to finding my biological Dad that I started to shake but I managed to keep it together as Mum and Dad waited in the car round the corner and I went to knock on the door.
A boy answered the door and I asked if John was there (my Biological Dad's name) at which point the boy went to get his Dad. It was so strange but even though I had never seen this dark haired stranger before, I felt an immediate connection although I couldn't explain it. He asked who I was and I told him and he started to cry, saying John was his brother and he knew all about me and couldn't believe I was here. He invited me in and went to ring John on the telephone.... it was all very surreal and I spoke to my Biological Dad and he asked to meet me in Newcastle the next day and gave me the number plate of his car. The strangest thing was that he kept calling me "Mary" but I was flattered at the time and felt that I had suddenly become that person, whoever she was.
The next day, and after very little sleep, I stood and looked out of the window in the building that I worked and overlooked the car park. All of a sudden I recognised the number plate and John had drove past. I started to cry and realised it was about to become a reality; finally meeting someone who was related to me. I very shakily walked out of the building and went round what was called the "Monument".... My plan was to walk round and have a look to see if I knew who John was... Before I even started my walk around, I saw a man on the corner, next to the Travel Agents and I just knew it was him. Still, I made myself walk right the way round, just in case but I knew anyway.... then I went up to him and told him who I was... he held me and cried and we went back to his car.
At that point, I really did feel like I was having an affair and with my distortion of men in general, it was all very difficult for me. He hugged me for what seemed like ages in the car and said I looked like my Mother. Then he proceeded to show me pictures of his family; of his wife, his three children which made me very happy to know I had brothers and sisters (being an only child) and his family history. We then arranged to meet the week after a Durham Cathedral. I went home on cloud nine and finally felt like I belonged somewhere..
That next week, John and I met up for lunch and were holding hands over the table in the Cathedral restaurant when a lady came up to John and said Hello to him. John went white and the glance that this lady had given him, was a glance of pure disgust which could only mean that she thought he was having an affair with me. We both realised then that he had to tell his wife that I existed and that he got another woman pregnant whilst he was engaged to her.
A week before Christmas, when I was putting the tree up with Mum and Dad, a car pulled up and inside was John, his wife and my little brother Chris. I was completely gobsmacked, as were Mum and Dad and so began a relationship which would only be be brief but still it was a blood link that I had never had.
It turned out that Mum had worked with John all those years ago and they both knew each other but she never knew that he my Biological Father.
What a small world indeed....
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