Ever since I fell in love with Donny Osmond, I was smitten with the pop world. I fell in love with all of them, from David Soul to Simon Le Bon. I loved pop music, just like any other young girl and wanted to be in a pop band when I got older. Good job I learnt to play the piano I suppose...
When I was 18 my Dad bought me a synthesiser and I started to do some gigs, even though I was in the throws of my bulimia and alcoholism; I still managed to practice and linked up with a little band who did Grateful Dead covers. I had never heard of them of course but embraced it just the same, adding it to my musical repertoire.
Also at this time, I won tickets to a programme called the Roxy which was based in the TV studios where The Tube was made in Newcastle upon Tyne. I befriended a girl called Julie and after that, I was at the TV studios every week in the audience. I got to meet Rick Astley, Sisters of Mercy, T'Pau, The Communards and Johnny Hates Jazz and was very starstruck!!!
I didn't get back into music though, until I was in my 20's as the bulimia really got to grips with me and I was in the process of systematically destroying myself in whatever way I could with alcohol and partying, men and general debauchery.
In 1988 I started work in a Music Shop in the middle of Sunderland, in the North-East and had to flog pianos. I wasn't very good at the sales side of it but boy, did it give me chance to try out all my musical skills and I was in my element. It wasn't long before I was introduced to a guy called Rick and fell in love all over again.
Rick came in that day, sat on a stool and just started to play his guitar. It was the most beautiful music I had ever heard and I found out later it was Led Zeppelin, who at the time, I had never heard of. I instantly fell in love and asked to form a band with him and his mates. Two days later, we all met in a pub, they all came back to mine (Mum and Dad were on holiday again) and we trashed the house and I got to seduce Rick in the spare room. Result....
We spent many nights in the back of the Music Shop (I had the keys) making love and as much as it was a happy time, it was also a very sad time, as Rick liked to talk and analyse me (he later in life became a Social Worker) which made me feel very uncomfortable even though I wanted to be with him. Again, my alcoholism was at an all time high and I was using it to cope.
Rick was married and his wife was due to have a baby any time soon. After the band dissintegrated (ironically enough the drummer had to go into rehab due to alcoholism), one night Rick invited me back to his house. It turned out that his wife was in labour that night, although I wasn't aware of it at the time and we made love all night. He seemed very on edge, I remember, not surprising seeing as he was about to become a Dad.
After that night, our "affair" fizzled out, after he realised I was a loose canon and slowly started to drift away from me. A few weeks later I was introduced to a guy called Cat, a really cool and lovely guy who I am still in touch with now and after a very brief romance and lots of musicianship and gigs, he introduced me to Sid at a party and we became a couple for two years.
Now Sid was someone that I totally put on a pedestal. He was such a talented man; a fantastic drummer, backing singer and he was in a really successful band in the North-East. I would go everywhere with them; London to the Jazz Cafe and every single gig that they did - I was like the number one groupie. I remember the time that Sid met my parents and sang and played "My Funny Valentine" on the piano to me... I was in heaven...
However, Sid did have his downsides; he was broke and sponged off me so much that I even bought him the clothes he was wearing every day; I gave him money for buses and food and in general began to feel that I was his meal ticket.
I eventually moved out of Mum and Dad's and into a 4 bedroom house which was home to 2 other band members and their brother. At first I was really happy and loved playing my keyboard at home and hearing the other guys jamming and everything was great. I enjoyed being Mum and looking after them all for a little while. I joined a band of my own, The Steve Lee Band and did a couple of gigs; again, though I felt very under pressure and pressure made me drink and binge so that didn't last very long.
Sid was away an awful lot and my roving eye started to get going when I was left in the house with one of the bandmates brother. We started talking and spending evenings together drinking and eventually the inevitable happened and we slept together. I realised I had made a mistake and tried to tell him so but he had fallen in love with me and demanded for me to tell Sid it was over. Obviously I didn't want to do that and for a few days, I pretended nothing had happened.
It was only when Sid opened my bedroom door to find all my belongings outside of it, that he realised something wasn't quite right. So I told him that I had been unfaithful to him and his world collapsed. I hadn't realised just how much he loved me and from that night on, my world collapsed too as realisation crept in.
Sid finished with me and I continued to live in the house, going out with the brother. It lasted a few weeks and by then I had started a new job at the DSS and my musical career was about to finish for another few years. It was at this point that I met the man who I had a miscarriage and abortion with and who I was with for a few years.
Musically, I continued to grow in my knowledge; after discovering lots of Led Zeppelin and Queen thanks to Rick, I also discovered Living Colour and Sting thanks to Cat and the other band members.
Sadly I sold my two synthesizers that my Dad had paid for, to buy food and alcohol.. A hiding to nothing.
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